Monday and a rude awakening to the week. No doubt a portent of things to come! We ordered some more membership cards for the club night – think credit card without the financial ruin! They arrived this morning, not long after David had left for work and I’d fallen back into a deep sleep – dreaming about wall-papering in some bazaar metaphorical way. Cracks in my life I want to cover over? Possibly, but NOT with burgundy flock! Never! Anyway, I’m poised with plumb line and paste brush when the doorbell rang with the seeming volume of a full concert orchestra. Why does Interlink deliver here so early? We must be near a hub.

Still, there have been worse Mondays than this. Ask the Boomtown Rats! Or The Bangles for that matter – they seemed to have a similar problem with Mondays! For example, on this day in 2002 a near earth asteroid - 2002 MN - missed the Earth by 75,000 miles (120,000 km), about one-third of the distance between the Earth and the Moon. In astronomical terms that is a midges’’ dick away! OK, technically 15th June 2002 wasn’t a Monday, just in case anyone out there was pedantic enough to check (heck, I was!), but the date is right and it’s the thought that counts. Unless you’re about to be struck by an asteroid, in which case worrying about which day of the week it is will probably not figure highly on your to-do list! Still, it makes you think how fragile everything really is when compared to the cosmic forces at play all around us. I blame Newton – if he’d not invented gravity we’d all have been in ignorant bliss of such matters! Gravity just pulls you down!

Speaking of to-do lists, I was in seventh heaven yesterday when I found an app for the iPhone that is designed to generate holiday packing lists. It’s very good, everything sub-categorised to within an inch of its life, things to do in advance, people to inform, things to take (all broken down into further sub-divisions) – pure bliss. Packing trousers? What length? Shorts, ½ length, or full-length? Casual or formal? Need a belt? What colour? I suspect if I kept drilling down I could specify at a molecular level! I’m gratified that finally someone else has understood the correct way to plan a trip abroad. They must have got wind of my way of doing things and decided to share this invaluable wisdom in the form of an app. Of course, I wasn’t credited, at least not on the high level list of people who had input to the production of the app, but I’m sure that somewhere in there my name will appear – maybe at sub-atomic level?

Our network seems to be up and down like a manic depressive on a trampoline. Starting to think the problem is the isp, pissing about with the connectivity during the daytime. Brand new router, more technology than NASA, makes theUSS Enterprise look like a 1960s sci-fi space ship (er, ok, got me on that one) - Or... maybe there is something more sinister afoot. “Chinese Woman Opposite” – her of the knickers-in-the-window fame – maybe she has somehow tapped into the fibre-optic cable and is using it to conduct the latest phase in her world domination plan. The knickers in the window being some sort of secret message to her 'underworld' associates. Big red pants means "I have the weapon primed" and small blue ones mean "Advance to stage two". My (world wide) web has been infiltreated!

I also found a tool to ‘fix’ my iTunes library – remove repetition, fill in blank information about songs, download the correct album art, generally tidy up the mess that has accumulated over the years. Think of my iTunes library a bit like the spare room, garage, or shed. Bunged full of stuff that one day I will have paramount need to access, but arranged in ‘sort-of groups’ – you know, a pile of similar stuff here and a pile of other similar stuff there. Some piles have duplicates, some have things missing. Some piles are just the stuff that didn’t seem to belong in any other piles. Well this software promises that I’ll have a wonderfully organised library, with everything correctly arranged and up to date. I am yet to be convinced as already it seems to have taken some tracks out of their original albums (which were correct) and put them in brand new ones. I told you – I DON’T LIKE MONDAYS!!!